You Should Read This

This is rough. Forgiveness is so very important, friends:

“I miss you, and I’m waiting for the day for someone to come into my life and show me you never existed.

There’s things I can’t shrug off, and the loneliness is always there. In a crowd, the thought of you consumes me, and the evenings remind me of what I thought we had. But when the daylight comes back—I’m reminded of what you did, what you said, and who you were. I want to crawl back into my fantasy of you that I was in love with. I want to forget the reality of you and who you really were, and still are.

I miss you so much and miss everything about you, from your eyes to your lips, I miss feeling you. I wish you didn’t do what you did, and sometimes, I hesitantly wish we were still together. But the reality isn’t such. Sometimes I want to live in the fantasy I had created for us all along; I don’t dwell in it too long, just when the loneliness gets overwhelming. I know I still love you, although I doubted if I ever did. I did and I still do. I wish I didn’t, but I know I do. I can’t forget you. It’s so hard, and your absence kills me.

Although I miss you, although I know I love you, I don’t wish good things for you. I hope you feel the same pain I’ve felt all these days. I wish your days are full of loneliness, and your evenings are full of despair and regret. I wish you truly, genuinely fall in love with someone, who rips your heart out in front of your face. I wish you meet the person you make your night and day, and they show you that you’re nothing but a speck in their eyes.

I know I love you, but I don’t wish good things on you. I loved you with an all-consuming love that I wanted so bad to be reciprocated. I wanted you to feel what I feel. I want you to feel what you’ve made me felt. I want you to meet the person who makes you melt, and makes you think you can forget about me once and for all, but they take all you had from you. I want you to know what it feels like when love shows you where it is and it isn’t. I want you to know what I felt.”

~n

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