Miley Knows What’s Up

I’ve been saying it since September — but really — I am turning a new freaking leaf this year.

I never thought Miley could really put in words what I feel, but she did. She did it. And she did it like 2 years ago LOLZ. I didn’t even know this lovely song existed until a wonderful friend told me of it (XOXO) and I love it. I actually love a Miley song. And a Drake song too, ugh unfortunately, a couple Drake songs if I’m being 100% honest right now. I’m obsessed with Rihanna and her hair, especially because she’s going back to that island music that she was all about in the beginning. <33reggae<33

I’ve been flaking a lot less this year too! My friends are just OVER THE F**KING MOON about how I actually SHOW UP to places nowadays and many offers are ending with “yes,” and less “no bitch” — I wish I could put up testimonials from them on my blog right now about the % of flaking that has significantly lessened.

Yup, things are changing. I’m taking 25 really serious this year, working my ass off, trying to make that paper, and really making it seem like I’m an adult who has their shit together–lol lez be serious now–but trying is half the battle and fake it till you make it, right? I’ve traveled to 3 cities this year, 1 all by myself, and it was freaking amazing! There has been nothing else so far that has made me feel so “present” than standing in the middle of Dubai, or Miami, 1000 miles away from my home, and really soaking in the rest of the world. I understand that makes absolutely no sense, but I really felt so, incredibly free from so many things. People, responsibilities, even free from my thoughts. But, let’s be serious, that’s what vacation does. That’s what it’s supposed to do.

I MOVED! Not to a strange, dark, unknown place – but somewhere very familiar, but still very different. I love it and hate it. Don’t know how to describe it, but I still have a lot of work left to do to set up the place. It’s a relief to have a space to myself, but of course, my family is super annoying at times and act like they can’t live without me. I guess it’s a good problem to have. To be loved to the point of annoyance.

Also, working out is literally my “FAVORITE THING TO DO” (nacho voice) after eating, of course, and having sex, and maybe baking. No, but really, working out is the best thing in the world a person can do for themselves. Being healthy is soooo important. I’ve drastically changed my diet, and although I sometimes miss eating whatever I want, I don’t miss at all how I used to feel. It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise you do –although I do recommend kickboxing to get the anger out and strength training to feel strong like “strong, black independent woman”– it’s doing it consistently that will get you results. And it doesn’t matter if you’re NOT trying to look like a bikini model like me, the physical and mental release is incomparable. I know things like drinking, having sex, and hanging out with friends also have physical and mental releases — but have you noticed how you can’t do those activities “alone”? Being alone is so necessary to function in this society. And I’m not just saying this because I’m single now, but because I’ve always valued alone time, especially when you’re in a relationship. Love is great and all, and rainbows and butterflies, but you really are the only person you spend the most time with — so make yourself fking interesting. And hot, too. LOL DUH.

Of course, some things will never change though. Still hate Beyoncé. Don’t think it’s ever gonna work with me & Bey. Blue Ivy is still ugly. I still love rice & curry. I still love to talk shit. I’m still petty about all the things that have happened. It’s a process.

My ex still sucks at life and I recently found out more things about him (from him LOLZ) that made me seriously thank the Lord of the Heavens, and the Skies, and the Solar Systems, and the Universe, AGAIN for getting him the F**K out of my life. It was the BESSSSTTTTT thing that could’ve happened to me. But, I mean, the best thing would’ve been to never met him at all, but that’s okay — we already accepted the whole “lessons” thing. I honestly feel sorry and pity for the other person who chose to keep him in her life, but hey, that’s their prerogative. I call it “being a f**kng bimbo” but who am I to call people names? I learned recently how fake people can be, especially women, but I’m glad I’m not friends with any women/men like that. Unfortunately, I had the honor of dating garbage — but thankfully, my friends have always been awesome, truthful, “CLASSY” people. At the end of the day, although I’m still pretty annoyed about things and have moment of negative feelings, I’m super happy with my life right now.

But — I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t say who I think of when I hear Miley’s song. The song just so childish and funny, with some nice beats too, I have to dedicate to that special gem in my life who I’m glad is no longer here. You, my little douche, are never gonna change. XOXO.



Dedicated — “Hit ‘Em Up”

I love 2Pac. I really do. RIP to one of the greatest rappers ever, and today—I dedicate this lovely song to one of the biggest POS I ever knew in my life: my recent ex. You, my ‘friend,’ are truly the biggest piece of shit I knew. LOLZ. Actually, even feces has more use than you do in this universe. I might sound bitter here (duh!) but really — there are some people in this world whose only purpose is to remind us of FECES. You know how? Well, although it’s necessary and everyone does it yada yada yada, it’s pretty disgusting when we go to the bathroom. And that disgusting act reminds us of how sometimes, we have to look, see, smell, hear gross things to get to the best: an empty bladder, healthy body—and to appreciate the better things in life: like not shitting, or air fresheners, and unclogged toilets. Oh, and better people. You know, people who actually have a moral code and give a shit about how others feel.

So yes, there are some lovely, lovely people in the world whose only use is really to remind you not to put your foot in shit. Because if you do, you’ll get your shoes, socks, and feet dirty and then it’ll suck. Some people do need to see this difference to really not take the “better” people out there for granted. Some of us need to be reminded. Unfortunately, some of us don’t even need this fucking reminder! Some of us are ALREADY WHOLE, COMPASSIONATE, KIND human beings who don’t need these feces-people in our lives to as a reminder to appreciate the better things in life. Not taking shit for granted comes naturally to some of us—and that’s how we live our lives, most especially when we come across feces-people. You see, we think they’re just like us—not full of absolute, disgusting shit—and that’s how we treat them. Well, kudos to us for thinking we’re so awesome, but really feces-people don’t give a crap about our good qualities. What they give a “crap” about (lolz) is themselves and all their shitty qualities. They looooove to roll around in their shitty qualities, lying, cheating, stealing, back-biting, talking shit, and expect people to sit there and take it. LOLZZZIIIIIIEEZZZZ is my response to feces-people.

I know what you wanna say. Oh, be more compassionate, oh where’s your sympathy? Where’s your empathy? Well, you see, feces-people don’t even give a crap if you give them compassion, sympathy or empathy. You did give them that—and more, yet they continued to disregard your feelings, disrespect you, and treat you the same way they see themselves when they look in their crappy mirror: shitty.

The reason why “Hit Em Up” really hits the nail on my feelings right now, is because, well sometimes you really need to curse people out. Sometimes, “kill them with kindness,” or some crap like that really doesn’t work. It might work for some people—but not feces-people. And that’s because they don’t even value kindness! They don’t even value respect! So please tell me why why why why do you think it’s sufficient for you to throw your moral code of kindness+compassion at them and then expect them to understand? Expect them to be sorry? Remorseful? Guilty? No, you don’t have to fall to their level (believe me when I tell you, you never will fall to their level) but cursing someone out is not “falling to a level.” Truthfully, “killing” someone with words—even vulgar words—is much better than causing them or their property physical damage. You won’t really even get in trouble with the law, LOLZ. I’m a writer, so really, words are everything to me. Hitting or attacking someone really will not satisfy me to the core like saying something I’ve been thinking, dwelling on forever. I mean, I’m really not going to pull my glock out on my ex or something, but I’ll let 2Pac do the talking for me here. He gives me justice. Another reason why “Hit Em Up” is awesome right now is because it’s dedicated to Biggie Smalls—2Pac’s rival and one-time “friend”—well, clearly, something went wrong with this “friendship” somewhere. I don’t know the story, nor do I care at the moment, but his entire track is to remind Biggie where he was, who he was, what 2Pac was to him, what he was to 2Pac, and who he still is. and to ‘Pac, well he’s feces. 

I do want to take a moment and apologize to my personal feces for comparing it to my lying, cheating, vomit-inducing ex. I’m sorry, Shit, I really am—but you understand.

sometimes I take metaphors too far,


I Dreamt About You Nearly Every Night This Week

You Have To Remember the Good Times

I really didn’t think I could have 3-4 versions of one song, but I do. But, after Lovesong,  I really did not think I could have 3 versions of one song —but now I do. I discovered “I’m On Fire” by Chromatics on a rainy, gloomy Friday on Spotify while working. I was actually looking up songs from the movie Drive‘s soundtrack, and found a playlist that had more songs from Chromatics.

That feeling when you begin to hear the beginning of a song and you just know. It’s almost like falling in love, no? Or at least being attracted to someone, and knowing somewhere, deep down in your existence, that you two might have a connection. This feeling makes you keep the song on repeat for hours (like 3 hours driving to Connecticut repeat), or thinking about this random person you made eye contact with the whole ride home . . .

Similar to Lovesong, I discovered the song that I was completely mesmerized was actually a cover and after discovering the original, just realized how truly amazing the song is. However, like I have complained before—about amazing songs being way too short; “I’m On Fire” probably beats all of them! Not only is the song only two verses, but it actually ENDS after the 2nd verse! UGH! I think the beauty of it is that the song is about desire and how it’s never consummated —the shortness and abruptness of the song demonstrates that so painfully…the synthesizers in the music continue to make you feel as though something will happen, the song will continue to play, or maybe this particular desire will be quenched.

But, no. You don’t get any of that and it just makes it that more amazing.

Original: Bruce Springsteen
My Fav Covers (so far): Chromatics, Slightly Stoopid



So, I discovered this song a few weeks ago and am just getting around to share it. This is (kinda, but not really) different from the music I usually post on the blog. My music tastes vary and I love almost every type of songs; hip-hop, r&b and rap definitely have a special place in my heart and I’m definitely not a Nicki Minaj fan. So, when I was recommended of Jhene Aiko by my cousin, I found another female rapper, whose songs actually have some depth and a decent beat to it, I liked it. This song is pretty powerful, in my opinion, and very nicely written. It’s a little depressing; well I have to admit I discovered it when I was going through some things, and although I’d rather not relive those days again, this song is good enough for me to replay it without getting emotional again. I love freestyle and also love the way she goes from third person to first person, smooooth. She’s also got a great voice, and you know how much I love songs that have a great a story to it. Enjoy!


Top 10 V-Day Playlist: Bob Marley

Whether you’re falling deeper and deeper into love with your honey, in the beginning of a new relationship, getting over one, a happy single, or just a fan of reggae music, I’ve got 10 songs from the great Mr. Marley that will get your lift your mood up, whatever the situation. Life’s too short to be sulking around! Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers.

  1. Stir It Up
  2. Is This Love
  3. Satisfy My Soul
  4. Turn Your Lights Down Low
  5. Mellow Mood
  6. Waiting In Vain
  7. There She Goes
  8. Jammin’
  9. Could You Be Loved
  10. One Love

…you make me feel like a sweepstakes winner

I’m a full week late on writing on my annual Happy B-day Bob blog post, sigh. But, as a fan, I learn from Bob and have learned (especially in recent events), that I must -ABOVE ALL- forgive myself. If I hold every little thing I do against myself, then how will I ever forgive someone else, right? Anyways, this isn’t a post on self-love, forgiveness, etc., but on the celebration of the existence of Robert Nesta Marley!

While many genres of music may debate until they reach their graves on whose the king/queen of that genre, I think with reggae, it’s pretty damn easy. Of course- there’s many, many bands/artists that have reigned on the stages of reggae and ska (some of my faves being UB40, Jimmy Ciff, Gregory Isaacs, Peter Tosh, Inner Circle, Burning Spear, and the list goes on and on…), but Bob Marley was the King and still manages to stay the King. It must have been how much he was loved on every continent, his political choosings, his death, and his happy, sad, lovely, and political songs. He even managed to use almost literally an entire speech by Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie I before the United Nations General Assembly in June 1963 to record one of his famous songs, “War.”

Bob has always been close to my heart and the discovery his music (and reggae music) brings back many happy memories of my life and personal growth. He was first introduced to me by my brother, Ali, and although right now, my brother is not really the same guy I once knew, whenever I listen to some of Bob’s songs, I manage to tap back into the memories of the brother I knew and loved and keep the hope alive that he’ll return one day.

Bob’s always been in a constant in my love life and the love(s) of my life… he just seems to have a way with with the words of loveromance, and everything that follows after.

Happy B-Day Bob. I sometimes wish I was born in a different time so I would’ve had the opportunity to see you in concert.

But it’s all good xo,


After 23 years of existence, just realized this song and I guess I should be happy I even realized it; better late than never.

Makes me think….how many more am I missing?

Wake up and look me in the eyes again
I need to feel your hand upon my face
Words can be like knives
They can cut you open
And then the silence surrounds you
And haunts you

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me

Words can be like knives
They can cut you open
And then the silence surrounds you
And haunts you

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me

The spaces in between
Two minds and all the places they have been
The spaces in between
I try to put my finger on it
I try to put my finger on it

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you floating in me


Nowadays, I’ve been living for those few moments of love, passion, & ecstasy—
granted, they are happiness for maybe the short-term, but they feel so amazing.

Sometimes, when we’re going about our day, engrossed in everything we’re supposed to be doing, we easily forget how strongly someone leaves a part of themselves with us. Or rather, how much we leave ourselves with them.


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