Hindsight Cont’d:

I am so very full of regrets right now. So full that I’ve got no choice but to finally write a blog entry on these awful, awful feelings of regret. I don’t write much anymore; I definitely don’t write about my personal feelings—very rarely. Tonight, however, I must recap on how far I’ve gone with my regrets, hindsights, and daily things that maybe some people might consider miniscule, but they eat at me like nothing else.

I’m not too sure where all this stems from—insecurities, lack of organization, indecisiveness, love, or maybe I have a talent for being very skilled in hindsight—I should probably ask a psychologist. I guess one of the biggest backhanded compliments one can receive is exactly that: “you’re very advanced in hindsight,” because guess what that means? That means you lack foresight; you lack knowing what to do about something before it’s happened. You probably could never get a job as Ms. Cleo, or anything that involves tarot cards or a crystal ball because you probably would realize after your unhappy customer left that you should’ve plugged the cord for the crystal ball in before they arrived, not after. The literary talent of foreshadowing probably flew over your head when you were reading Poe, or any other author, for that matter. The Three Wise Men should’ve visited you, before Jesus. Maybe if your parents named you ‘Prudence,’ your much needed judgment would arrive before the fact, not after. Further, you cannot be described by adjectives, but more by verbs which highlight your lack of action in the right places at the right time: “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.”

And most likely, two of the biggest things that continue to eat you is (1) the fact that your thoughts/ideas/decisions that arrive after the fact are so damn extraordinary and matchless to anything you or anyone could have thought of or  even done before. And (2) when you orate your regrets to the foresighted people around you, they tell you to stop being so hard on yourself. But, if you won’t, then who will?

Happy September 2nd!

So, I know I am not a very successful blogger, actually I’m probably not even a blogger, but I am attempting and I’m going to continue to attempt, despite my failed attempts. What I have a very hard time doing is deciding what the hell I want to write about. Honestly, how ridiculous is that? I’m a writer, I shouldn’t have a problem deciding what in the world I want to write about—right? Well, whenever I attempt to write on my blog(s), I am stumped. Continue reading

I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad …

I got sunshine in a bag

I’m unsure what I am scared of when I begin thinking of blogging. Right before I sit down to actually start blogging, I am explosive with ideas, excited with motivation, and optimistic about the end result of my blog post. But, once I open up my WordPress and begin typing… bam. Scared. Afraid. Confused. Unconfident. What’s wrong with me? I have no idea. However, I do know one thing: today, I had some sort of “awakening,” “enlightenment,” when I read a Forbes article on Frances Bridges. Continue reading

4 WEEKS!

Until I graduate college.

Holy. Lord. Of. The. Heavens.

Why did time go by so fast?! Why IS time going by so fast!? I’m trying to enjoy, savor, absorb every moment I have left, because seriously, I’ve never enjoyed my semester at SLUTGERZ more than I have now. Don’t know what it is. :-*

A rant, and then some—

I woke up this morning laying on my stomach looking at the date. It’s already March fucking 11. There’s about twenty days left of March . . . which means there’s 30 days left of April. What’s the significance of my countdown? Well, my last day of classes is April 30th & then I start finals & then guess what!? I graduate college! Now, this countdown and these exclamation marks are not the product of excitement, achievement, and bliss—rather, they are the products of WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO AFTER GRADUATION!? Holy Hawaii (as a guy once said to me when he was hitting on me in NYC) I am not ready. I’ve realized I’ve been caught up in “requirements” the entire 4 years; science req., econ req., english req., everything that may be contributing to me “finishing” college, but not necessarily contributing to me figuring out what I’m doing “after” college. I’ve been quite a late fucking bloomer in academia (excuse my French in this post). I didn’t pick my major(s) until the summer before my Junior year; that may seem like a decent time, especially since I never changed majors, but gave me less time to figure out the ample amount of THINGS (for the lack of a better word) that I need to and should know about economics, english, journalism, jobs, the real world, grad schools, GREs, hamana hamana.

The best part about me, however, is the fact that I am an INDECISIVE BALL OF BIMBO. Not only did I take forever to choose my major; I really have no fucking idea how in the world I even made my decision to choose Economics & English, maybe the fact that I couldn’t pick one is a hint; but I’m still prancing around more things: journalism, corporate jobs, investments/small business plans, getting laid, okay that last one was just a joke or maybe a slip because I really don’t need to prance around getting laid ;-). Anyways, I apologize for digressing. I’m just hoping that me being so “diverse” in my articles, majors & on my resume really HELPS ME THE FUCK OUT. Because God knows, I can’t help myself nor can I make decisions for myself. God! Why didn’t Rutgers offer me a decision-making class!? Ugh!

Okay, I think my rant is done now. I apologize to my reader(s), who I’m surprised has even stuck around till now, for my ridiculousness but you really don’t know how fast time is going by for me and how that in turn has increased my hyperventilation. So, I’m going to leave you with some more misery; a video of a song that my cousin forwarded to me just a couple days ago, saying, “this is your life.” LOLZ, she’s so funny. -_____- It kinda is, but not really. Maybe only the chorus part, haha. Well, it’s got a nice beat, some nice words, & idk, it just sounds good. And it’s dedicated to my ex-boyfriend. Not the message of “asking why,” like he does in the song, or even the feeling of “baby, you should’ve never left,” that is present throughout the song. No, the only part of this song that I dedicate to my EX is the fact that it’s about an EX and there’s never anything good about an ex because guess what, YOU SUCK! 🙂

I’m not bitter at all . . .

One Year and One day later

  Today I met up with a longtime elementary school friend and caught up on the six years of life that we have gone through without one another. Of course, we left one another a facebook comment here and there, met twice during 4 years of highschool, but now that we’re in our senior year of college and that I’ve moved back into the same house I lived in 8 years ago, we had quite a lot to catch up on.

But, I simply cannot reveal all the great things we discussed during our meeting at a packed Starbucks shop, but what I can say is that later that evening (well, around the early hours of the morning, 1:40am), my friend sent me a text saying, “You should start a blog! […]”

I already have one! Which, UNFORTUNATELY, I’ve posted to TWICE. Blogging has been on my mind this entire week, not for meditative purposes, but for graduate-school purposes (yes, condemn me now please). I’ve decided that if I want to impress those who will accept me & enhance my resume, transcript, personality, and charm, then I must start doing some additional writing on the side. And how wonderful, I have returned to WordPress an ENTIRE YEAR AND DAY LATER. I truly believe it’s a sign.

This year and a day off has had some good come from it though. I have been doing a ton of writing (newspaper, internship with Inked Mag., essays, etc) since then. I’m still trying to figure out what I write BEST, but I think I’m going to finally start getting Nadia’s Niche out and about!

Next blog will be coming up BEFORE departing to London on Friday the 13th and will discuss the humourous connections of arranged marriages (oh my god Indians!) and online dating, thanks to my great friend who I caught up with earlier yesterday (haha).

 

See ya soon! xoxo, Nadia.

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