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music musings rants

Dedicated — “Hit ‘Em Up”

I love 2Pac. I really do. RIP to one of the greatest rappers ever, and today—I dedicate this lovely song to one of the biggest POS I ever knew in my life: my recent ex. You, my ‘friend,’ are truly the biggest piece of shit I knew. LOLZ. Actually, even feces has more use than you do in this universe. I might sound bitter here (duh!) but really — there are some people in this world whose only purpose is to remind us of FECES. You know how? Well, although it’s necessary and everyone does it yada yada yada, it’s pretty disgusting when we go to the bathroom. And that disgusting act reminds us of how sometimes, we have to look, see, smell, hear gross things to get to the best: an empty bladder, healthy body—and to appreciate the better things in life: like not shitting, or air fresheners, and unclogged toilets. Oh, and better people. You know, people who actually have a moral code and give a shit about how others feel.

So yes, there are some lovely, lovely people in the world whose only use is really to remind you not to put your foot in shit. Because if you do, you’ll get your shoes, socks, and feet dirty and then it’ll suck. Some people do need to see this difference to really not take the “better” people out there for granted. Some of us need to be reminded. Unfortunately, some of us don’t even need this fucking reminder! Some of us are ALREADY WHOLE, COMPASSIONATE, KIND human beings who don’t need these feces-people in our lives to as a reminder to appreciate the better things in life. Not taking shit for granted comes naturally to some of us—and that’s how we live our lives, most especially when we come across feces-people. You see, we think they’re just like us—not full of absolute, disgusting shit—and that’s how we treat them. Well, kudos to us for thinking we’re so awesome, but really feces-people don’t give a crap about our good qualities. What they give a “crap” about (lolz) is themselves and all their shitty qualities. They looooove to roll around in their shitty qualities, lying, cheating, stealing, back-biting, talking shit, and expect people to sit there and take it. LOLZZZIIIIIIEEZZZZ is my response to feces-people.

I know what you wanna say. Oh, be more compassionate, oh where’s your sympathy? Where’s your empathy? Well, you see, feces-people don’t even give a crap if you give them compassion, sympathy or empathy. You did give them that—and more, yet they continued to disregard your feelings, disrespect you, and treat you the same way they see themselves when they look in their crappy mirror: shitty.

The reason why “Hit Em Up” really hits the nail on my feelings right now, is because, well sometimes you really need to curse people out. Sometimes, “kill them with kindness,” or some crap like that really doesn’t work. It might work for some people—but not feces-people. And that’s because they don’t even value kindness! They don’t even value respect! So please tell me why why why why do you think it’s sufficient for you to throw your moral code of kindness+compassion at them and then expect them to understand? Expect them to be sorry? Remorseful? Guilty? No, you don’t have to fall to their level (believe me when I tell you, you never will fall to their level) but cursing someone out is not “falling to a level.” Truthfully, “killing” someone with words—even vulgar words—is much better than causing them or their property physical damage. You won’t really even get in trouble with the law, LOLZ. I’m a writer, so really, words are everything to me. Hitting or attacking someone really will not satisfy me to the core like saying something I’ve been thinking, dwelling on forever. I mean, I’m really not going to pull my glock out on my ex or something, but I’ll let 2Pac do the talking for me here. He gives me justice. Another reason why “Hit Em Up” is awesome right now is because it’s dedicated to Biggie Smalls—2Pac’s rival and one-time “friend”—well, clearly, something went wrong with this “friendship” somewhere. I don’t know the story, nor do I care at the moment, but his entire track is to remind Biggie where he was, who he was, what 2Pac was to him, what he was to 2Pac, and who he still is. and to ‘Pac, well he’s feces. 

I do want to take a moment and apologize to my personal feces for comparing it to my lying, cheating, vomit-inducing ex. I’m sorry, Shit, I really am—but you understand.

sometimes I take metaphors too far,

—n

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Life musings personal confessions trying new things updates

All this time I drank you like the cure—when you were the poison

I’m reading all the things I wrote to myself months ago and realizing, regretting, and hurting. I knew all of this so long ago—but was kept in the dark, manipulated, lied to—I was uncentered and drowning in doubt to realize the truth. Everything feels meaningless and yet so meaningful. It’s hard to understand the deceit and betrayal—but it exists. It will always exist. The difference might be that it won’t matter as much, it won’t hurt as much.

The mornings and nights are the worst. I’m too busy all day to dwell, yet I fall asleep thinking about it and wake up thinking about it. It sucks, but it must be part of the process. I’d like to erase everything from my memory, but that won’t really happen, and I no longer want it to happen. This is a necessary lesson, for someone like me. I needed this because I wouldn’t have learned anything if I didn’t actually go through it. However, there’s a difference between losing someone because the stars just aren’t aligning for you at the moment, and actually being deliberately betrayed — and that’s something I don’t think everyone should go through, that just fucking sucks.

I’m going through all the motions, the rollercoaster of an awful, awful breakup. Every day, I think of something different to wallow over. Another lie comes in my brain; something reminds me of him and I realize—oh, that was a lie too, huh. And then, I move on to realizing how not special I was to him. How he could do the same fucking things with her that he did with me. He didn’t leave anything — everything he did with me, say to me — he said to her. Then, I move to beating myself up; I regret not acting on my intuition, putting my honor + faith on the line, disrespecting my family, putting them last—all for someone who was never faithful to me. I regret letting myself get duped, used and abused. I’m embarrassed—no ashamed—for what I did with him and for him. I acted from a place of love, but it was sinful and sad, and the end could be nothing else than what it is now. The show is finally over and I am so glad.

And then I move on to my life that I finally have back. It’s back in my hands, clean and ready for a new story, a new journey. I think about all the great, amazing things that can now come out from a toxic-free, single, whole life. I realize I finally have that one opportunity to understand what it means to be a whole person. Then, I realize that there is someone out there for me whose going to be everything I’ve imagined. I always thought of him, even when I was with another. I know we will meet when the time is right and perfect for us—not a day sooner, not a day later. I know I will look back to this time of my life when I had the most growth, when I was the strongest although I felt the weakest, and I’ll know that this is when I defined myself, found myself, and built myself. I’ll look back and really understand why it didn’t, and never could, work out with anyone else in the world. By that point, I’ll be happy and satisfied by myself, too.

I know that I was meant for other things and the reality is finally here. And all I can do right now is accept this reality with an open heart, thank the God that loves and cares for me, and be ready.

 

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music musings

I Dreamt About You Nearly Every Night This Week

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music musings

You Have To Remember the Good Times

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musings

But, Like, Why Didn’t I Make My Resume Like This?

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music musings

I’m on Fire — Chromatics

I really didn’t think I could have 3-4 versions of one song, but I do. But, after Lovesong,  I really did not think I could have 3 versions of one song —but now I do. I discovered “I’m On Fire” by Chromatics on a rainy, gloomy Friday on Spotify while working. I was actually looking up songs from the movie Drive‘s soundtrack, and found a playlist that had more songs from Chromatics.

That feeling when you begin to hear the beginning of a song and you just know. It’s almost like falling in love, no? Or at least being attracted to someone, and knowing somewhere, deep down in your existence, that you two might have a connection. This feeling makes you keep the song on repeat for hours (like 3 hours driving to Connecticut repeat), or thinking about this random person you made eye contact with the whole ride home . . .

Similar to Lovesong, I discovered the song that I was completely mesmerized was actually a cover and after discovering the original, just realized how truly amazing the song is. However, like I have complained before—about amazing songs being way too short; “I’m On Fire” probably beats all of them! Not only is the song only two verses, but it actually ENDS after the 2nd verse! UGH! I think the beauty of it is that the song is about desire and how it’s never consummated —the shortness and abruptness of the song demonstrates that so painfully…the synthesizers in the music continue to make you feel as though something will happen, the song will continue to play, or maybe this particular desire will be quenched.

But, no. You don’t get any of that and it just makes it that more amazing.

Original: Bruce Springsteen
My Fav Covers (so far): Chromatics, Slightly Stoopid

 

sigh,
—N

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music musings

Comfort Inn Ending

So, I discovered this song a few weeks ago and am just getting around to share it. This is (kinda, but not really) different from the music I usually post on the blog. My music tastes vary and I love almost every type of songs; hip-hop, r&b and rap definitely have a special place in my heart and I’m definitely not a Nicki Minaj fan. So, when I was recommended of Jhene Aiko by my cousin, I found another female rapper, whose songs actually have some depth and a decent beat to it, I liked it. This song is pretty powerful, in my opinion, and very nicely written. It’s a little depressing; well I have to admit I discovered it when I was going through some things, and although I’d rather not relive those days again, this song is good enough for me to replay it without getting emotional again. I love freestyle and also love the way she goes from third person to first person, smooooth. She’s also got a great voice, and you know how much I love songs that have a great a story to it. Enjoy!

xoxo,
N

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music musings

Top 10 V-Day Playlist: Bob Marley

Whether you’re falling deeper and deeper into love with your honey, in the beginning of a new relationship, getting over one, a happy single, or just a fan of reggae music, I’ve got 10 songs from the great Mr. Marley that will get your lift your mood up, whatever the situation. Life’s too short to be sulking around! Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers.

  1. Stir It Up
  2. Is This Love
  3. Satisfy My Soul
  4. Turn Your Lights Down Low
  5. Mellow Mood
  6. Waiting In Vain
  7. There She Goes
  8. Jammin’
  9. Could You Be Loved
  10. One Love
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trying new things

5 Tips to Start a Yoga Practice at Home

Yoga is in high demand and for the right reasons (mental, physical and spiritual wellness), but what do you do when you can’t seem to find the time (or money) to join a local yoga studio? One of the most liberating aspects about yoga is that it is accessible: you don’t need high-end equipment or a very specific facility to practice in; your home can be your yoga studio, if you make it.

TRY: Breathing & Yoga Stretches At Home

While the benefits of doing yoga in a class with other yogis and a teacher are tremendous, there’s no reason you cannot have a successful yoga practice at home. If you follow the very tips that yoga teaches, you’ll find yourself closer to the practice than you think.

1) Build a sacred space.
Nothing can be deemed more important in yoga than focus and concentration. Find a space in your home that is the least cluttered, away from your loudest (and smelliest) rooms. When it’s time to begin your daily routine, treat it as you would a professional yoga studio: with respect, cleanliness and consciousness. This means turn off/silent all electronics, keep shoes off and make others in your home aware of your practice.

WATCH:  4 Ways to Create Zen Spaces in Your Home

2) Pick a time slot and commit.
Whether it’s 5 or 50 minutes, commit yourself to those minutes every day to practice. Remember: this is for you and no one else. A great tip is to stick to practicing at the same time each day. This is even more beneficial when you have an at-home practice; you can do a quick 10-minute flow when you hop out of bed every morning or every night before getting in.

3) Use the vast resources at your fingertips.
In this time and age, you can figure a lot about yoga before you even decide to start practicing a life with it. The internet is a powerful resource, so ask questions about yoga etiquette, find professional online videos for all levels, subscribe to a yoga on-demand service, I use Veria,  Veria Living Go, and YogaGlo and learn more about the practice off the mat.

4) Be safe.
Know what you can and cannot do. The benefits of going to yoga class are the variations to poses a good yoga teacher will always show you. These variations will be in your at-home videos as well, just make sure you don’t do anything you’re not sure of.

5) Be proud of yourself.
One of the many great things yoga teaches is discipline and if you are able to press pause on everything that is going on around you and give yourself a few minutes consistently, then commend yourself and remember that you are growing everyday on a successful, happy, and healthy journey.

Categories
music musings

Happy (Belated) Birthday, Bob!

…you make me feel like a sweepstakes winner

I’m a full week late on writing on my annual Happy B-day Bob blog post, sigh. But, as a fan, I learn from Bob and have learned (especially in recent events), that I must -ABOVE ALL- forgive myself. If I hold every little thing I do against myself, then how will I ever forgive someone else, right? Anyways, this isn’t a post on self-love, forgiveness, etc., but on the celebration of the existence of Robert Nesta Marley!

While many genres of music may debate until they reach their graves on whose the king/queen of that genre, I think with reggae, it’s pretty damn easy. Of course- there’s many, many bands/artists that have reigned on the stages of reggae and ska (some of my faves being UB40, Jimmy Ciff, Gregory Isaacs, Peter Tosh, Inner Circle, Burning Spear, and the list goes on and on…), but Bob Marley was the King and still manages to stay the King. It must have been how much he was loved on every continent, his political choosings, his death, and his happy, sad, lovely, and political songs. He even managed to use almost literally an entire speech by Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie I before the United Nations General Assembly in June 1963 to record one of his famous songs, “War.”

Bob has always been close to my heart and the discovery his music (and reggae music) brings back many happy memories of my life and personal growth. He was first introduced to me by my brother, Ali, and although right now, my brother is not really the same guy I once knew, whenever I listen to some of Bob’s songs, I manage to tap back into the memories of the brother I knew and loved and keep the hope alive that he’ll return one day.

Bob’s always been in a constant in my love life and the love(s) of my life… he just seems to have a way with with the words of loveromance, and everything that follows after.

Happy B-Day Bob. I sometimes wish I was born in a different time so I would’ve had the opportunity to see you in concert.

But it’s all good xo,

Nadia