Miley Knows What’s Up

I’ve been saying it since September — but really — I am turning a new freaking leaf this year.

I never thought Miley could really put in words what I feel, but she did. She did it. And she did it like 2 years ago LOLZ. I didn’t even know this lovely song existed until a wonderful friend told me of it (XOXO) and I love it. I actually love a Miley song. And a Drake song too, ugh unfortunately, a couple Drake songs if I’m being 100% honest right now. I’m obsessed with Rihanna and her hair, especially because she’s going back to that island music that she was all about in the beginning. <33reggae<33

I’ve been flaking a lot less this year too! My friends are just OVER THE F**KING MOON about how I actually SHOW UP to places nowadays and many offers are ending with “yes,” and less “no bitch” — I wish I could put up testimonials from them on my blog right now about the % of flaking that has significantly lessened.

Yup, things are changing. I’m taking 25 really serious this year, working my ass off, trying to make that paper, and really making it seem like I’m an adult who has their shit together–lol lez be serious now–but trying is half the battle and fake it till you make it, right? I’ve traveled to 3 cities this year, 1 all by myself, and it was freaking amazing! There has been nothing else so far that has made me feel so “present” than standing in the middle of Dubai, or Miami, 1000 miles away from my home, and really soaking in the rest of the world. I understand that makes absolutely no sense, but I really felt so, incredibly free from so many things. People, responsibilities, even free from my thoughts. But, let’s be serious, that’s what vacation does. That’s what it’s supposed to do.

I MOVED! Not to a strange, dark, unknown place – but somewhere very familiar, but still very different. I love it and hate it. Don’t know how to describe it, but I still have a lot of work left to do to set up the place. It’s a relief to have a space to myself, but of course, my family is super annoying at times and act like they can’t live without me. I guess it’s a good problem to have. To be loved to the point of annoyance.

Also, working out is literally my “FAVORITE THING TO DO” (nacho voice) after eating, of course, and having sex, and maybe baking. No, but really, working out is the best thing in the world a person can do for themselves. Being healthy is soooo important. I’ve drastically changed my diet, and although I sometimes miss eating whatever I want, I don’t miss at all how I used to feel. It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise you do –although I do recommend kickboxing to get the anger out and strength training to feel strong like “strong, black independent woman”– it’s doing it consistently that will get you results. And it doesn’t matter if you’re NOT trying to look like a bikini model like me, the physical and mental release is incomparable. I know things like drinking, having sex, and hanging out with friends also have physical and mental releases — but have you noticed how you can’t do those activities “alone”? Being alone is so necessary to function in this society. And I’m not just saying this because I’m single now, but because I’ve always valued alone time, especially when you’re in a relationship. Love is great and all, and rainbows and butterflies, but you really are the only person you spend the most time with — so make yourself fking interesting. And hot, too. LOL DUH.

Of course, some things will never change though. Still hate Beyoncé. Don’t think it’s ever gonna work with me & Bey. Blue Ivy is still ugly. I still love rice & curry. I still love to talk shit. I’m still petty about all the things that have happened. It’s a process.

My ex still sucks at life and I recently found out more things about him (from him LOLZ) that made me seriously thank the Lord of the Heavens, and the Skies, and the Solar Systems, and the Universe, AGAIN for getting him the F**K out of my life. It was the BESSSSTTTTT thing that could’ve happened to me. But, I mean, the best thing would’ve been to never met him at all, but that’s okay — we already accepted the whole “lessons” thing. I honestly feel sorry and pity for the other person who chose to keep him in her life, but hey, that’s their prerogative. I call it “being a f**kng bimbo” but who am I to call people names? I learned recently how fake people can be, especially women, but I’m glad I’m not friends with any women/men like that. Unfortunately, I had the honor of dating garbage — but thankfully, my friends have always been awesome, truthful, “CLASSY” people. At the end of the day, although I’m still pretty annoyed about things and have moment of negative feelings, I’m super happy with my life right now.

But — I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t say who I think of when I hear Miley’s song. The song just so childish and funny, with some nice beats too, I have to dedicate to that special gem in my life who I’m glad is no longer here. You, my little douche, are never gonna change. XOXO.

#PettyAsFuck,

nadz

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Thoughts on Shitty Choices

o-POOP-EMOJI-ICE-CREAM-facebook

I was all ready to write and get all my thoughts together an hour ago, but I ended up reading something else I wrote almost 10 months ago… Scary. It was very, very scary to say the least. Hindsight is truly something. If I had just pushed, pressed, and listened to what was being said to me and done to me … I would’ve been out of this thing 10 months ago. That’s about 5 months before than it happened. 5 months of my life I would’ve had back; 5 extra months of healing. Actually, if I really think about it—I could’ve ended that horrible relationship before it even bloomed into a real “relationship.” I could’ve ended it when it when it was only 5 months old. I guess 5 is a thing or something. But, I was too weak. And optimistic. I was also always a big romantic, and wanted to fall in love. I wanted to take a chance, live my life, and enjoy my life… Didn’t know 3 years would fly by and all I had to show for it was absolute shit. I’m really not trying to be cynical or super-negative about it LOL really—but aside from all the “life lessons,” I really have shit. I could’ve learned these life lessons from A LOT OF OTHER PLACES AND WAYS, YOU KNOW. But I didn’t. I was with a shitty human being, who didn’t teach me good things, but taught me that shitty human beings exist everywhere, and many of them will be pretty, pretty close to you. (Larry David voice). I guess it’s still a lesson. Shitty lesson, but a lesson nonetheless.

Oh, well. No point in regretting the past, and beating myself now.

What I have recently learned, though, is that I really need to accept the fact that I was in a very bad relationship. Despite how positive and zen you try to get about it — you really need to face the facts eventually. It takes some guts to admit that you made a really shitty choice in a partner, spent time, money, and love on them, and you ended up having a really horrible relationship. Your investment, unfortunately, didn’t pay off. You took a risk and guess what, it was not a good idea. You can spin it a thousand ways — but rationally, it was a bad decision. A poor choice. You must’ve had some idea of what ways it could’ve gone, yet, you made your decision. And believe me, I am in a really good mood right now LOL, and am writing all this with a feeling of content. I’ve been trying to avoid the fact that I made such a bad fucking decision, but unfortunately I did. And the only thing—BELIEVE ME, there’s only one thing—I can do now is make a better decision next time around. More like 1000000000% better.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a key difference between successful and unsuccessful romantic relationships, and it’s not that one ends up in marriage or a forever, oh my god I will love you all my life type thing. What a successful romantic relationship does is teach you more about yourself and about the world—which includes its humans and all its lessons—and leaves you a better, well-rounded person regardless of the outcome. Not a broken, bitter, cold, destroyed person with trust issues and insecurity. The ones that do that, well, they were truly unsuccessful relationships. And you, my friend, did not succeed.

It really does suck to fail. (SUCKS TO BE ME RIGHT NOW! Like Nacho says). It sucks to know you made a bad decision, whether it’s buying a shitty t-shirt, making a bad business decision, or a bad choice for a partner. But really—what the fuck are you gonna do about it? Cry about it forever? Hell fucking no.

-n

Top 10 V-Day Playlist: Bob Marley

Whether you’re falling deeper and deeper into love with your honey, in the beginning of a new relationship, getting over one, a happy single, or just a fan of reggae music, I’ve got 10 songs from the great Mr. Marley that will get your lift your mood up, whatever the situation. Life’s too short to be sulking around! Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers.

  1. Stir It Up
  2. Is This Love
  3. Satisfy My Soul
  4. Turn Your Lights Down Low
  5. Mellow Mood
  6. Waiting In Vain
  7. There She Goes
  8. Jammin’
  9. Could You Be Loved
  10. One Love

Short Story: “Friday”

She had ransacked her brain to bits to show up on time for her 8:30am this morning. And even though she was running on no sleep, she had a grin on her face, ready for the day. It was the end of the week; the school-week, the business week, the week of productivity and work, and rest was about to arrive. She had just accomplished her few short term goals last night, and there was no reason for her to feel anything but content. She was ready for the 8 days of freedom and rest that were awaiting her. She wanted to get away from these buildings, its brown walls, the stairs, the chairs, the desks, the books, the people. She wanted a break and that’s what she was getting in just 90 more minutes. Continue reading

Wake up and look me in the eyes again
I need to feel your hand upon my face
Words can be like knives
They can cut you open
And then the silence surrounds you
And haunts you

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me

Words can be like knives
They can cut you open
And then the silence surrounds you
And haunts you

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me

The spaces in between
Two minds and all the places they have been
The spaces in between
I try to put my finger on it
I try to put my finger on it

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You’ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you floating in me

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nowadays, I’ve been living for those few moments of love, passion, & ecstasy—
granted, they are happiness for maybe the short-term, but they feel so amazing.

Sometimes, when we’re going about our day, engrossed in everything we’re supposed to be doing, we easily forget how strongly someone leaves a part of themselves with us. Or rather, how much we leave ourselves with them.

 -n

Mi Amor—

Becoming so attached—so intertwined—so obsessed—with your touch
your smell, your smile.
The way you tongue rests on your lip for that one second; the way you look from the corner of your eye;
the way the crease around your mouth widens; the subtle dimples that hide behind your rugged hair.

Falling into your arms—your neck—and then your chest, attaching myself to your being.

You’ve become so much more important than you are, than you seem to be, than you should be.

Bitchin’

It’s February 2nd and I guess Mother Nature is going to give me my monthly reminder that I’m a woman and this may be TMI for some of you “readers,” but I am going to bitch a lot right now. And you know what, it’s not my fault. It’s the other person’s fault—actually it’s everyone’s fault. Everyone is ridiculous. I am not ridiculous, everyone around me is ridiculous, even the pet that I don’t own is freaking ridiculous and inconsiderate, insensitive, and everything else that is the opposite of nice, kind, and thoughtful.

I don’t know why people talk/text/call me when they don’t even know how to be PEOPLE, they don’t even know how to act like A HUMAN BEING. Further, they still have the audacity to attempt to hold a civilized conversation with me when they probably know that I am really annoyed at them and if it’s not them, I’m probably pissed off at someone else.

SO WHY!? Why do you wanna talk to me and make yourself pretend that you’re making me feel better!? You’re probably the reason I’m pissed off right now. You’re probably the reason WHY White Toberlone isn’t regularly available in the United States, because YOU probably don’t like white chocolate, and I’m the minority. You’re the reason why I’m pretty much sitting here, bitchin’, instead of writing creative fiction, at 3am. Maybe if you did things differently, chewed differently, talked differently, spoke to me differently, then maybe I wouldn’t be so pissed off. I know no one is in charge of my happiness, but you know what people, sometimes it’s nice, sometimes it’s REALLY FUCKING SWEET if people were nice to you when you weren’t feeling so nice, because guess what, not feeling nice all the goddamn time is a human emotion. But, of course, only HUMANS know about human emotions, and I don’t live around humans—I live around mofos.

SIGH….well, this is nothing a few episodes of The Office can’t solve..

SUCK IT. SUCK A TOOTSIE ROLL THAT WAS RUBBED ON THE TOILET SEAT OF AN NYC BATHROOM, YOU JERK.

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