Categories
trying new things

on beginning to write again

OK, I’m going to try to make this as least dramatic as I possibly can..

What’s that thing called where you go on a hiatus from writing for so long that your life completely and utterly depreciates, and you feel completely dead inside because there is literally no creative outlet to express how you truly feel about things without having to condense it into 140 characters, or share a relatable meme on your Instagram story hoping that it will resonate with the people who you consider your “close circle?”

What do you call that thing?

Since COVID-19 has hit the world, MY world has been looking very different. Never on a July evening would I think that I would be listening to my 10-year old iTunes library and brushing the dust off my blog, and not picking up calls about why my 9:00pm shuttle hasn’t arrived at 8:59pm. I’ve had this thing since 2011…and I really didn’t do it any justice. Gosh, I never thought I’d be saying these words but my business doesn’t really exist right now. It doesn’t hurt anymore to say that sentence because let’s be honest — this year has been a TRIP. After realizing that 2-day Amazon Prime doesn’t exist right now — WHAT IS PAIN ANYMORE!??! I’m numb.

Jokes aside, it has been a trip. To my fucking kitchen. to my basement. to the dollar store looking for super cheap drawer organizers that I can use in my bathroom, closet, nightstands… and no, I did NOT spray them with fancy, metallic paint and DIY-it-to-Death-Pinterest-Style because you very well know I am not that girl. Not that there is anything WRONG with being THAT girl. THAT girl is definitely making more passive income than I am…. let’s be real.

I’ve actually posted several times on this blog, however, they’ve always been “Private” posts because they have been too raw for me to have the audacity to publish them publicly. But, I’m going to stop doing that. I think it’s time to publish how I really feel — since everyone is doing it (and getting away with it!).

Since I went on my hiatus, a lot has happened. I’ve lost a lot, but gained a lot more (aside from weight). Let’s count the ways:

  • took over my family business full-time. and overtime – without pay. no holidays, PTOs — but unlimited sick days and an ego boost
  • moved to an unnecessarily big house where I have to clean and dust every corner, have to pay an absurd amount of property taxes IN THE SAME TOWN I MOVED FROM 7 YEARS AGO — but I have a walk-in closet, a bathroom IN my room, and a balcony to wave to the peasants outside
  • live with less people. who are 10x CRAZIER than the children I used to live with
  • no longer drive a MINI where people can recognize me, but now I drive a really chic station wagon
  • ran into a really cute guy who is smart, nice, and respects me – might marry him for fun
  • became an aunt for a whopping 6th time
  • went to Texas too many times to count — not for fun
  • lost people who I loved and got betrayed by some I trusted
  • gained some weight — also, surprisingly, NOT for fun
  • learned about the mental health system in the US first-hand, too many times
  • listened to at least 40,000 hours of podcasts (they’re fucking great)
  • found myself a therapist so I can talk about all the people in my life who don’t go to therapy

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL IN MY SELF-DEVELOPMENT…

  • I GOT A FUCKING DOG!!! AND IT WASN’T EVEN MY IDEA.

Guys — it’s true. Dogs are not overrated. My dog is definitely reason#3 why I am still alive. #1 are definitely memes on the internet. We’ll talk about #2 another day.

So, I’m going to attempt this on mo’ time. Just for shits and giggles. Just for fun. Just for–so I don’t feel dead inside anymore. I literally have EVERYTHING I need and yet I feel like I have nothing. Sure, that could be because of a number of things. Some will say it’s ingratitude, some will say it’s depression, some will say it’s my gut health and I need more probiotics. Someone will tell me go to keto. Or worse, vegan. Or even worse — look into Scientology. But, I think it’s a little bit more than that, pal. And that’s why we’re here tonight.

Let’s hope people still give a shit about what Nadia has to say.

yeah, OK, you probably don’t,

-n